Back to the Drawing Board

It turns out there’s a point at which every person runs out of ideas. Some lucky few are gifted enough (or crazy enough) to hit that wall late in life, after they’ve spit out hundreds of proverbial lightbulbs. Think Ron Popeil, whose mind is apparently just a big kitchen supply store with a few assorted neurons that fire to make his mouth move. Being the world’s preeminent infomercial salesman is a dubious honor, perhaps, but it must have been pretty amazing to spend his days with non-stop kitchen genius spewing from that electrical storm. Or it might have been misery. My gut tells me that having that kind of hypervigilance, never being able to turn it off, would probably make for some tough times, the least of which would be an extreme case of insomnia. I mean, I’ve got things on my mind far less profitable than the table-top rotisserie, and I still can’t sleep sometimes. It’s only fair that I should have a dream in which the Archangel appears and shows me how to make a waffle iron that can plug into the lighter in your car, or more specifically, my Time Warner van. This is actually how I plan to make my mark on the world (nay, the universe), as the cable guy who will make you breakfast for any of the three meals, and elevensies (hobbit reference). This of course is included with the price of your install.

But even Ron must have woken up one morning, sat down at his work bench (drawing board, hence the title), and listened as his brain said, “Not today. No more inventions for you. I’m tired.” And I know how he feels, because I just hit that wall. Yup, this is a column about writer’s block. I’ve been trying for two days to think of something to write about, to no avail. So I did what any rational person would do, and confronted the problem head on. That’s why you may find yourself reading this and thinking how little sense it makes. Sadly, this is your fault. I’m not one to lay blame, but if you these paragraphs seem disjointed to you, it is simply because you are not reading correctly.

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