rossnation... revealed

Sooooo….you want to know about rossnation…? Sam Eddy does. Therefore, I have to assume that there are a lot of you out in the interweb that have similar questions. And it’s OK, I promise. There’s no shame in being confused, in wanting to know more about this enigma that is rossnation… After all, you can’t Google rossnation… Well, you can, but you won’t get any real answers. But you get some funny results. Seriously, try it right now. I’m result #3, there’s Rick Ross/Nation of Hip Hop, and the supporters of this guy:

This joke tells itself. But if you have an appropriate caption, feel free to submit it.

But on to the questions. Let me start by saying that in NO way am I as narcissistic as this – or any of my previous entries – would lead you to believe. I am simply a ridiculously charming and disarming man who knows the extent of his awesomeness and isn’t afraid to share that knowledge with the world. (Seriously, though, this is all for fun.)

That being said, let me explain rossnation… To start, it’s spelled all lower case, one word, three periods (ellipsis) to denote aposiopesis. This is not to be confused with apotheosis, which I certainly have no claim to. Why is it spelled in this very specific manner? Because it’s my fake club. I can do whatever I want when I’m typing. It has no basis in real grammar, no mythical beginnings, no crazy back story; I just decided that’s the way it needed to be. And I like the ellipsis; it’s a largely underrated punctuation.

While I’m in confession mode, here’s another shocker: rossnation… isn’t a real nation. You won’t find it in the Britannica, but I’m pretty sure the KGB has a sizeable file on us. Think of rossnation… as a co-op. Not one of those hippy co-ops, because I can’t condone spending eight dollars on a pear, organic or not. (Fun family outing: take the kids down to your local co-op and let them count the Subaru’s. Guaranteed 50% of the cars. Because hippies will swear that Sube’s are four-wheel drive.) But rossnation… is more like a co-op of minds. Granted, I as “ross” will be the chairman of the co-op board, but I’ll certainly take suggestions. But, simply put, my vote counts as two. Being a co-op of the minds, rossnation… is a country with borders as wide as your dreams. A little bit like The Matrix, sans the overuse of leather. You do not need a passport, Sam, but your visa must be approved by the ross. Uhh, that’s me, by the way.

Visa approval is based, first and foremost, on Visa approval. (I’m still working on taking AmEx and Discover.) Cash is still a viable option of course, but not preferred simply because I can’t hold cash in my iPhone. That will be a neat trick when they figure that out. Accommodations can be made for the indigent, generally in the form of a properly formatted essay outlining the individual’s qualifications to be a member of rossnation… Please don’t misunderstand, I will most likely not read them. Properly formatted would mean based on the rossnation… Read and Write Right method. Please refer to previous entries for information on the rRWR method. (See how I did that? Forced you to read my older stuff, thus driving up my readership. Brilliant.) Readership is as good as money, just like an IOU.

After the ross has reviewed your application, if you are accepted into the Royal Order of rossnation…, you will receive a notification of some kind, at which point you would be entitled to all the rights and privileges accorded to a full member of rossnation… These include, but are not limited to, the honor of submitting ideas for the ross to write about; submitting writing of your own; listening to any audio or video content that the ross and the jake may produce (this should be good); discounts on any future rossnation… apparel, bumper stickers, key chains, Christmas ornaments, action figures (w00t*), etc.

There are no taxes in rossnation… per se, only a reasonable percentage of the member’s monthly income to be paid to the treasurer of rossnation… Because we have no treasurer as yet, the ross will serve as the acting treasurer. But there are numerous opportunities for advancement within rossnation…; you could become an earl, or a duke, or even a Senator, depending on your personal percentage, and your contributions to the ross’ manifesto.

rossnation… is going places. We’re not sure where yet, but I assure you it does not involve trips to Tijuana. It will definitely be dipping into the important, and thoroughly unimportant, cultural topics of the day, as well as issues that actually may matter to our readers and members.

The ross will be taking most of the topics revolving around being single at 30 and all that it entails. Jake will be discussing fatherhood in the new millennium, and sports. But not soccer or hockey. Those will be my bailiwick. BC, or Soap, will discuss being a Fringle Mom with a real job, and the trips to Tijuana. As a group, rossnation… will delve into the best and worst in entertainment, and my strange and undying respect for Canada and how clean it is. And so much more.

Long term, rossnation… will morph into a real website with a real name, where you can find all of this sweet sauce. One stop shopping, if you’re shopping for new media magic.

But as I’ve said, I am an open minded ross, and will hear all with ideas. Unless they’re ridiculous. Ride along with the revolution, and let’s see where we end up.

rossnation…out