Chuck on This...

Every man needs to be challenged. When I’m left to my own devices, my automatic response is... no response! I don’t think I have the gene that forces me be proactive, to push when there is nothing to push. So I specifically need to be challenged. By something, anything! And for that reason, I type tonight. I have been challenged. My talent, wit, verily even my integrity as a writer has been called into question. I shall respond herein:

There is a tongue twister that has caused some dissension in the ranks of rossnation… “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

An inane question with no answer, and therefore no value. Yet we ponder this conundrum with every cell in our brain, begging the synapses to fire in a random sequence to give us an answer. An answer that, even if it does exist, does us no good. We won’t be able to develop a new assembly line theory for our furry woodchuck friends (often called the whistle pig.) Our friend the whistle does not even chuck wood, and to his detriment. He eats foods like a squirrel (nuts, seeds, leaves, cable that I then have to fix, etc.) So from the git go, we can establish that this is all a hypothetical exercise.

So in our hypothetical, the woodchuck (or WC) would chuck up to 3 cords of wood per day. This has not been tested; it is simply my educated estimate, based on being the son and grandson of former National Park Service employees. (This is the same argument that gets me into Heaven because my dad is a pastor.) But three cords seems about right, don’t you think? WC’s are hungry little buggers, leading a very active lifestyle. They like to run around and stuff. When (if) I “run around and stuff,” I also get hungry. I’m not a vegetarian, though. I prefer to eat three cords of waffles. (C’mon, you all saw that coming.)

The seeds of dissension being planted in rossnation… do not revolve around the amount of actual chucking being done. Rather, there are those associated with the nation that did not believe the ross could discourse on the subject in an interesting manner. Clearly, this argument has been rebutted if you have read this far. Are pictures of a talking woodchuck cheap? Maybe, but it was harder than I thought to come up with jokes about woodchucks. They’re cute, but they sure aren’t interesting. So instead, riddle me this:

How many waffles would a rosschuck chuck? Now that’s quality writing.

rossnation… out.